definition - Absolute Quat

Absolute Quat [ab-soh-loot kwat]

-noun
1. A point of quat, theoretically equal to 37 qT : the hypothetical point at which a substance would have no dirt or impurities.
I cleaned your spatula with a multi-quat sanitizer. It looks virtually absolute quat.

definition - Quat

Quat [kwat]

-adverb

1. Free from dirt or impurities.
That pot that just went through the multi-quat sanitizer is looking pretty quat.

-noun
2. The property of being free of dirt or impurities.
My bathtub has quat.

-quantity Abbr. qT
3. A measure used for representing the quat of a specified object. The measure for quat is derived from a formula where
d = mass of dirt on specified object (g)
m= mass of specified object (g)
s = average shade of grey *

qT = 20 *(1 - d/m) + 17 *[1-(1-a/256)]

The preceding formula renders a minimum quat of zero. Quat may never exceed 37 qT, also known as absolute quat.
* average shade of grey based on 256 intensity greyscale, where 0=black and 256=white

-verb
4. To clean/remove dirt from an object, usually by cleaning it. In doing so, raising the quat of said object.
I can't go out tonight, I have to quat my room.

definition - Tryhard

Tryhard [chry-hahrd]

-noun

1. A person who tries really hard to fit in by following trends and copying the "cool" people around them but is obviously unsuccessful at it.

  Did you see that tryhard at the skatepark? He got stretched by a BMXer when he attempted a manual.

theory - Post Secondary Theory

When young women are finishing up high school and trying to figure out what they want to do with their life, they decide they want to help people. This desire to help people leads them to the faculty of education, so they can teach children, or nursing, so they can help heal old people.

If girls are still young at heart (also known as immature) they are more interested in being a veterinarian or a marine biologist, so that they can help housepets or dolphins, respectively.

It's science.

theory - Truck/Bike Rule

Since women rarely travel by way of truck or bicycle, it is very attention-grabbing to see them driving either. Because of this, it magnifies the attractiveness, or unattractiveness, of the woman traveling by bike/truck.

A decent looking woman would get J'approved while riding a truck because she is not a hillbilly.

A large woman riding a bike would look like she is about to crush the bike or plow through a brick wall.

It's science.

definition - Frankensteined

Frankensteined: [frayn-kin-styned]

-verb

1. To crudely piece together at least two things to form one very sketchy looking, but effective new object.

  I just frankensteined my bike with a weed whacker and now I can cut the grass in minutes! 

definition - Shoe Canoe

Shoe Canoe: [shoo can-oo]

-noun

1. Simmilar to getting a booter of snow, a shoe canoe is getting a shoe full of water. As suggested by the name, this often happens while traveling by canoe.

  Oh man, this is clownshoes! I just got a shoe canoe!

theory - Conversation Theory

If two people are having a pleasant talk about an issue, it is a discussion.

If two people have a discussion that involves their opinions, it becomes an argument.

If two people are having an argument and wearing suits, then it is a debate.

It's science.

definition - Tree Rain

Tree Rain: [chree rayne]

-noun

1. A phenomenon that happens after a rainfall. Rain collected on the leaves of trees is blown off by the wind, simulating rain, even under tree cover.

  Is it raining? No, it's just tree rain.

definition - Radley

Radley: [rad-ley]

-adverb

1. To describe an action of a rad thing.
  That pig pit turned out pretty radley.

2. To perform a rad operation on a thing. 

  I just need to paint it radley, then we're in business.

-Dange

definition - Beverage Device

Beverage Device: [bev-er-ahj dee-vice]

  -noun

  1. Any object that will hold and/or serve a beverage/sauce.

    That beverage device has a rim on it.

    That beverage device has a brim on it.

theory - Brim vs. Rim

While both words are use to describe the edge of cylindrical objects, they represent two different things. Brim, like on a hat, is a flat edge, where as rim, like on a Tim Hortons beverage device, has a more bulbous edge. There can only exist either a brim or a rim on a single object, never both at the same time. If a brim is rounded over, it becomes a rim, and consequently, if a rim is flattened, it becomes a brim.

It's science.

theory - Swiped vs. Sniped

While both words are used to describe the taking of objects, there is a great difference in the context they may be used in. Swiped always refers to a horizontal hand motion similar to a magician's slight of hand. Sniped refers to a more stealthy maneuver requiring the element of surprise, and is deserving of the exclamation "Face!"

If you take a pencil off the table, it is swiped, where as if you take a pencil out of someone's hand when they are looking the other way, it is sniped. 

It's science. 

definition - Goggles

Goggles: [gaw-glz]

  -noun

  1. A word to refer to any safety equipment.

    Hearing protection would be known as ear goggles.

    Gloves would be known as hand goggles.

    etc.

theory - Webbed Fingers

Some philosopher once wrote, "imagine your fingers as strengths and the space between your fingers as weaknesses, when you join hands with other people, their strengths cover up your weaknesses."

According to this idea, if you had webbed fingers, you would have no weaknesses.

It's science.

theory - Girls For Attention

In a bar or house party setting, friendly girls will resort to dancing with each other in order to receive attention and/or alcoholic beverages. If this doesn't work, the girls will escalate their attention-seeking tactics (making out with each other).

According to the popular vote, this technique works 100% of the time.

It's science.

definition - Experienced Wingman

Experienced Wingman: [ex-peer-ee-enced wyng-man]

  -noun

  1. Someone who is so successful at picking up women that they are able to lend their talents in order to aid other members of their bar crew.

    A designated driver/ugly friend hybrid makes room in your bar crew for an experienced wingman. 

definition - Stretch

Stretch: [strech]

  -verb

  1. To injure, wreck, destroy, etc.

    We're going to stretch every single one of those guys at the rumble.

/ Stretched: [streched]

    That random just got stretched by the quarterback.

definition - Clownshoes

Clownshoes: [klown-shooz]

  -adjective

  1. Used to describe something that is easy.

    Man, that class is clownshoes.

  -adjective

  2. Used to describe something that is amateur.

    I just saw some rap battle go down in the park; it was definitely clownshoes.

definition - Spherical Hand Position

Spherical Hand Position: [sfeer-ah-cul hahnd pose-ish-shun]

  -quantity

  1. A portion size of this many food, holding hands in a spherical position.

    Plenty o' sustenance is based on a portion size of one spherical hand position.

definition - Plenty O' Sustenance

Plenty O' Sustenance: [plen-tee oh suh-stin-ance]

  -noun
  1. If you are full after eating one spherical hand position of a food, it provides plenty o' sustenance.

    Meat provides plenty o' sustenance, whereas vegetables do not.

theory - Food Theory (the four food groups)

All food fits into one of the four food groups: sauce, dust, meat, and vegetables.

Sauce: [sawce], see sauce for full definition.

  Anything in a liquid state that compliments its counterpart.

    Syrup on pancakes is really pancake sauce.

Dust: [duhst]

  Anything in a powder state that has the ability to enhance the experience for the end user.

    Sugar added to anything makes it tastes more sweeter.

    Salt added to anything makes it tasted more salty.

Meat: [meet]

  Any solid food product that provides plenty o' sustenance.

    Porridge is a meat, regardless of consistency, until it is poured on something, then it becomes sauce.

Vegetable: [veg-a-ta-bull]

  Any solid food product that is posing as a meat but is not dust.

    Popcorn is a vegetable because you can eat a whole spherical hand position and not receive any sustenance.

theory - Being Fashionable

The only difference between being fashionable and looking stupid is that people who are fashionable don't care if they look stupid, where as people who look stupid don't know they look stupid.

It's science.

theory - Beards vs. Suits

Men grow beards for the same reason that they wear suits, to impress other men.

It's science.

definition - This Many

This many: [this men-ee]

  -quantity

  1. Used to describe a quantity of food or drink, in conjunction with hand gestures showing size.

  

  There is this many sauce left. (Holding hand to bottle, showing the height of the liquid.)

definition - Sauce

Sauce: [sawce]

  -noun

  1. Anything in a liquid state that compliments its counterpart.

    Syrup on pancakes is really pancake sauce.
    Windshield wiper fluid is really windshield sauce.

theory - Bar Crew

Anytime you go to the bar it is absolutely necessary to bring a group of friends. Going to the bar by yourself is creepy. Meeting people there is less creepy, but still not ideal.

-Your crew should consist of at least three people in total: you, an ugly friend, and the designated driver.

-The ugly friend is there to make you look good by comparison and the designated driver is there to stop you from dying.

-If the designated driver can double as the ugly friend then you have room in your crew for an experienced wingman.

-Avoid going as a pair with your designated driver/ugly friend hybrid because it may look like you are "together," and that doesn't usually go over too well.

Bar technique is a completely different story but now you know how to be properly equipped when traveling to a bar.

It's science.

definition - Face

Face: [feys]

  -exclamation

  1. Used after proving someone wrong, similar to "in your face:"

    person 1: I bet I can jump over that river.

    person 2: There's no way you can make it.

     **person 1 jumps over the river**

    person 1: Face! (from across the river)

definition - J'approve

J'approve: [jah-proov]

  -verb

  1. To think a female is attractive:

     I J'approve of her.

  -exclamation

  2. Showing approval of attractive female passing by:

    J'approve!

  -verb

  3. To agree with something or someone:

    I J'approve of this definition.